My Inner Turmoil

Sometimes I feel that life is a constant struggle between my inner Dilbert and my inner Buff Bufferman.

Boss: Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Buff Bufferman. Tell Dilbert what you do for fun.
Buff: I like to go rock climbing during blizzards. At the top, I wait for a pair of eagles to fly by. Then I leap off and grab them by the legs. The eagles sow my descent to the raging river below. I try to land on a floating log and surf the white water all the way home.
Dilbert: I use a keyboard.
Buff: Isn't that dangerous?
Dilbert: Sometimes I type all hunched over.
Buff: Ow! Ow! It hurts to hear it!